Tuesday, June 07, 2011

When you want to join the toddler in his tantrum...


There comes a time when it is consider uncouth to chuck a tantrum because things aren't going your way.

That time probably passed three or so decades ago for me.

Is it really so bad to feel like life is unfair, and that it is unfair that other people seem to get their way with very little effort or obstacle?

Is it really that awesome to bear trials and tribulations with dignity and patience, knowing your turn will come one day?

Not ripping the contents from my kitchen cupboards and smashing it all on the floor is almost tearing me apart right now.

I want to rage and scream and throw things.

I want to pout and stamp my foot and yell 'It's NOT FAIR' with clenched fists shaking at the sky.

I want to push and shove and beat the world into submission.

I can really relate to my two year old today - and yesterday, and last month, and last year even.

I want to holler ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! and WHAT ABOUT ME?

I want to cry and whimper, "I'm a good person, I watch out for others, I work hard and don't sit around waiting for anyone to hand me anything on any kind of platter.'

I want to feel sorry for myself without having to 'Suck it up, Buttercup'.

I want all that 'inevitable change' to HAPPEN ALREADY!

I want to stop feeling angry and resentful and disappointed and full of despise.

That is all.

2 comments:

Rachael said...

((((hugs))))

Sif said...

Thanks. I think it hit me even harder today (fkn weather didn't help), I'm hoping to have pulled my shit together by tomorrow though. Can stew too long or I'll dissolve altogether and get washed away in the next big rain.

Teenagers and the failing parent...