Saturday, July 02, 2011

No Writing...

I'm trying to convince myself I'm not even really thinking about writing at the moment because I don't have a properly functioning computer, and as soon as I get my whiz bang new computer off lay-by I'll be writing up a storm, but that's just not true.

That part of my brain which is usually occupied with writing (we're talking about 70% of my working brain, here), is currently a barren wasteland of a dust bowl. I have NOTHING.

Okay, nothing isn't quite true, I suspect I have a few things up there, but they are obscured by a somewhat transparent, blue gelatinous goo which seems to be gumming up the works.

I had a terrible experience the other day which I wasn't going to blog about in case prospective employers decided to google me and see what I'm really like, but it illustrates the sticky situation my brain is in.

It was about 8.40am and I had just walked the boys up to school. Viking and Blue had headed off to their respective classrooms and Buddha and Lama and I had gone to Buddha's building.  I was waiting outside Buddha's class for him to go in, when Viking suddenly came racing up to us and told me he'd left a DVD at home that he needed for an activity that day and asked if he could borrow the house keys to go and retrieve the DVD. I handed over the keys and told him I'd either be outside Buddha's class when he got back or I'd meet him on my way home. Viking took off at a sprint.

I stood outside Buddha's class, and a couple of other mums came along, so I had a brief chat with them before Buddha's teacher came and opened the door for the kids to go in. I said goodbye and Lama and I headed off home. Just as I was exiting via the front gate, I spotted someone running up the footpath towards us. There was something familiar about this person (I often don't see people so much as familiar movements of blurry figures in front of me - this is why I sometimes don't see people I'm supposed to know even if they're close by and sometimes I can 'see" people I've known for a while even though they're a fair distance away).

As this figure ran closer I realised it was Viking - and that's when the scary thing happen - I thought, what on earth is he doing out here??? He's supposed to be at his class! Why would he be running around outside the school yard??? I prepared to give him a doozey of a lecture, and then I saw the DVD and it all came back to me!

I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Viking having my keys and going home to get that DVD... How could I forget that?

Image: source
Honestly, the blue goo is quite scary, the way it seems to be oozing through my head and making it impossible to stay connected with my own thought processes. I'm not sure where the blue goo came from. It might be a side effect of Season Adjustment Disorder, or maybe I'm just tired (I'm not suffering from insomnia at the moment, but I'm also not getting to bed before 1am-ish because it takes so long for me to unwind at the end of the day). Maybe it's just the never-ending build up of stress. I don't know.

It's getting in the way of me doing the things I love to do though. Writing and studying. I'm actually a bit gun-shy of committing to anything right now because I don't trust myself to follow through...

I'm going to wait it out a little longer and see if it's just some sort of phase, maybe the blue goo will resolve itself? If it continues to the end of the month, I'll probably have to seek some sort of assistance to remove it though, because not remembering having just talked to your own child is not a good thing, and for a writer, not having anything to write is definitely NOT a good thing!

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