Dave is about to start a new job - just as soon as we get a call back from his future employer, that is, but we have been assured it is coming. That is going to mean more financial security for us. Probably not a huge change in financial security, but then again, we don't need a huge change - we've never needed much, just not to have to ask his mother for money every month...
It's been almost a year since I finished my Masters degree. I haven't done anything more with the manuscript that degree yielded. I still want to get it professionally read before submitting it anywhere else. It's not that I've lost interest in that manuscript, it's more that the struggles over the past few years have clogged up my brain spaced and made it harder than usual for me to focus on anything. As time has passed I've searched for solutions to our problems with a much more frenetic, disorganised energy. Really just clutching at straws. It's caused so much confusion and anxiety in recent weeks - did we make the right choices, where do we go from here if we didn't, and so on.
Related to this has been my plan to apply to do a PhD at a local university. I've felt very blocked when it came to this particular goal. The proposal itself is only 750 words, but it asks the questions, 'How is your topic unique?' and 'What does your topic add to the field of research?' Big questions for a such a small proposal. It feels like I have to done all my research before even starting my research degree!
I have done some very preliminary research to answer these questions but haven't learned much. I said to mum today, 'Either no one has ever researched this topic or I'm not looking in the right places.' She suggested it is most likely the latter (and considering much of her own research is in a related field, I'm taking that to mean she's probably come across research in the general area I'm considering).
The truth is, I'm all at sea. My lack of confidence stems from knowing, deep down, that I haven't done enough research and that one or two queries from potential supervisors would quickly reveal my fraud. I need to build other people's faith in my ability to research and to build authority on my topic of choice. I can't afford to reveal myself as clueless even before I get started. There's plenty of time for that later...
So, that brings me to another truth. I need to actually do some real work now. At this stage in the process, I'm about a year away from being really ready to submit a proposal. I'm kicking myself for wasting so much time this year, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind. As Maslow's hierarchy dictates, I needed to feel safe; I needed to know I had food and shelter, and that my children had food and shelter, and that's really only becoming a firm certainty in light of Dave new job (once we get that phone call, of course).
| Close friends will get a laugh from reading between|
these lines and realising why I'm suddenly all about
Only then can I put energy into more cerebral pursuits - self betterment...
So, now I find myself reconsidering my current priorities. I've been getting into the blogosphere quite strongly in the past couple of months, and have met some really lovely people, and discovered some very strong hearts and minds out there. It's been amazing! It has also been very time consuming and sadly if I'm going to give this PhD project the energy it needs, I'm going to have cut back on participating in link-ups, in particular.
There is one link up I feel I need to keep up with - because it is very closely related to my work and it has really help me reconnect with my first love; writing - that is the Write on Wednesdays link-up. I didn't participate this week because my head is very foggy right now, but I've been thinking about it all week, nevertheless!
Other link-ups I'm going to have to participate in as time allows.
I know in blogging circles it's very much a case a of 'out of sight, out of mind', and that is completely understandable because there are just so many amazing blogs out there. Only very few, extremely talented bloggers would be widely missed if they stopped blogging several times a week.
I won't stop blogging, but I guess what I blog about might change a fair bit because I'm about to submerge myself in a world of fiction and research and - oh, that terrible, terrible genre - fantasy (I really must look up the meaning of 'slipstream' it might give me some more credibility)...
My apologies in advance if I start to bore you guys.
As always, I love, love, love interacting with my readers; these past couple of months of comments have been just awesome - I'm more addicted than ever to talking to the people who stop by and read this blog. You guys inspire me no end!
I'm going to try and commit three solid days a week to reading a research and two to writing. My mission is to become the researcher and writer I need to be to gain entrance into a PhD degree and to get my novel published. Blogging will happen in and around these goals.