Tuesday, September 27, 2011

10 Things Tuesday: 10 Epic Fails


I've been Epic Failing all over the place recently, I thought I tell everyone how - maybe after reading this you'll feel great about your own performace!

1. Blogging: I joined Seven Cherubs 'Cherish Your Cherubs Project', but then failed to write my children love notes for week six, so didn't post last week. I thought I'd post a double post this week (I did put some love notes in Lukas' suitcase for camp - he never mentioned getting them), but then I didn't post yesterday either. I also joined in 'Me and YOU Monday' at The Mother Experiment two weeks ago, thinking I would work on my relationship with my kids by sending them love notes (and thus doing two memes at once because I really liked both of them), but of course, I totally dropped the ball that week, so no update last week for 'Me and YOU Monday'... This week I will finally update today (having promised I would do this last night, you know, while it was still MONDAY, but dropping the ball again. My update is this... I did send notes to Lukas, but not the other boys. I've tried to be more aware of being more affectionate overall, but basically, I've struggled more than succeeded.

In other blogging failurees. I've dropped the ball on most memes, I'm posting late in the day rather than first thing. I'm not getting around to all the other posts (or even most of them) in link-ups or blog-hops I've participated in - which really irks me because I do feel I need to get around to every one, but when there are 50+ blogs to visit, it's overwhelming. I'm not keeping up with my blog buddies either. Yes, it's truly Blogging Epic Fail City around here!

2. Housekeeping: I'm struggling to keep this house from drowning in detritus at the moment. Some days I reckon if I auditioned for Hoarders, they jump for joy! I really want a clean, tidy house, I do, it's just such a Sisyphean task... It's totally demoralising.

3. Lodging my PhD proposal. Actually even just drafting the bloody thing! It's 750 words, but it might as well be 750 000. They seem to want me to have already done all research I plan to do for the doctorate itself - and then distill all that research into 750 words... Really, why does this overwhelm me? It should be a cinch, right?

4. Being a class rep at the boys' school. Honestly, I don't know why I offered to help out, I'm really hopeless at summoning up the motivation to do it properly. To go up to the school and socialise with the other parents or attending meetings, organise fair stall clothing collection, and to remember everything, oh the remembering - i keep forgetting to remember...

5. Being consistently loving, generous and patient with my children. I can manage moments of loving, generous and patient, but these are broken up by moments of screaming banshee trollmama... My poor children will probably grow up with hair-trigger anxious ticks...

6. Not caring about what people think of me. Sadly, I do care. I say I don't care. Sometimes I really don't, but I can't maintain the indifference...

7. Related to the last point - Letting go. Once I feel strongly about something, I find it hard to let go. Anger ove past hurts can flare up when I least expect it, but also, when I like something or someone, I tend to obsess - I want more, my hunger isn't satisfied by having - it just seems to grow exponentially... I really want to be easy-going, why is it so hard for me?

8. Still related to point 6.- Caring enough. While I obsess about some things, when I do let go, I do it with the same level of intensity as not letting go... Despite sometimes feeling it might be in everyone's best interest that I continue to care, to stay open and involved, to do for the sake of others, if not for myself... When I let go, it is completely and I just can't manage to care enough to go back and pick up old threads...

9. Not being lazy: I consider myself a doer. I don't like to just talk about doing stuff, I like to get it done. So it seems somewhat incongruous that when I do things I am so attracted to shortcuts and 'easy way's. I want to DO, but then I want to do things the quickest, least taxxing way possible. I have been Epic Fail at not being lazy for as long as I can remember... I am actually writing this blog post on my iPad in bed at 5pm on a Tuesday - THAT is how lazy I am...

10. Cooking: when Dave started his work experience, I swore I would start cooking dinner so he didn't have to do that as well as work. I did okay for the first week - since then either the boys have cooked, or Dave has... I wish cooking filled me with the joy and inspiration my friends speak of as their faces radiate with some celestial glow cooking gives them, but no, I detest cooking... I can cook (this assertion is derived from the observation that no one has died at the dinner table while eating substances I've cooked), I just don't enjoy cooking.


3 comments:

Jayne said...

I go through phases of feeling like I've dropped the ball too. I wish I could be a consistent person in all things, but I'm not.

I also didn't start loving cooking until I became vegan. I've always kind of enjoyed it, but cooking now is just that much more interesting. Nothing fancy, mind you.

Be kind to yourself, Mama Sif xx

Sif said...

During the periods I've eaten veg, vegan or raw vegan, I've done all my own food preparation out of neccessaity. I usually keep it very simple because I prefer non-animal foods as natural as possible and I did find that food prep more enjoyable - though probably still not close to what my cooking-loving friends describe :).

I feel very tired lately, like I can't keep up with my own thoughts even. There are plenty of things I'd liked to be doing but i have no energy (mostly lacking emotional energy). I'm not really sure what to do about that...

Sarah Mac said...

I may have to do this twice!!! :) I'll be linking up later when i get a chance to sit down and decide which fails to choose!

Teenagers and the failing parent...