Sunday, September 18, 2011

Mirrored Conversation...

Hello you.

Hello.

How are you doing today?

Well, you know, you feel the dragging in our heart, don't you?

Yes, yes I do. I thought it would pass by now.

Yep, so did I - maybe this is for real?

Yeah, you shouldn't have acknowledged it. Acknowledging stuff just makes it all the more real.

I kind of thought I would call its bluff. Sometimes pre-empting something evokes Murphy's Law.

Yessss, well that didn't quite work out as planned, did it?

No, but you chiding me isn't going to help, so shut up, okay?

Fine.

Fine.

Okay, but what are we going to do?

Do? I don't want to do anything. Can't we just wait. Maybe if the Grumpy Old Man gets a proper job offer next week, maybe we'll feel better?

And if he doesn't?

I don't want to think about that. I can't think about that. Last week didn't work out as I'd hoped it would and it was a kick in the guts.

Next time...

Yeah, next time. Always next time, and then maybe next time, too...

You can't think like that.

I dunno, maybe thinking like that is better, maybe if we let go of the need for it to happen next time, maybe if we just concentrate on it happening so long as we persist, maybe that is better. That way we put less pressure on us for individual attempts. Looking at the big picture might work better.

It might...

I just want things to change.

We've been wanting that for a long time now. I think that's why it's finally catching up with us.

What cruel irony is this, then? Just when the hard times look set to come to an end we started the emotional downward spiral.

You're being a bit melodramatic, don't you think? Life isn't that bad.

It feels that bad. I feel like I'm suffocating. Seriously. I feel like some great monster has its great fiery claw around my heart and is squeezing the life out of me. I can't even cry now.

Get a grip, will you? The sun is shining outside. The cold of winter is behind us. The Grumpy Old Man is very likely going to have a paid job by the end of next week. And eventually if you keep trying the other will happen too. It will. Persistence always pays off. Always. Once it's happened, you'll wonder why you got so hung up on it because you'll know you've always known it will happen eventually. Once you make your mind up, you always make it happen. That's your superpower.

Yes, but it's not just up to me. What if he changes his mind?

He won't. He's committed now. He's much better with commitment than you are.

Yeah, you're right.

You know I am. Now go and eat something, you're not eating enough these days and that's not good.

Okay, see you tomorrow. We have to do something about those bags under our eyes.

Oh, shut up.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh hun, sometimes it's just overwhelming. Lots of love to you. Be gentle with yourself.

Daisy, Roo and Two said...

xxxxxxxxx

Not much more I can say or do.

How are you feeling now? I just want to DO something!

Veronica @ Mixed Gems said...

As a piece of prose, this is very creative. But it is obviously powerful because it reflects a pain in your heart at the moment. I hope things pick up for you and you get to heave some liberating sighs of relief soon.

Teenagers and the failing parent...