One thing I know about internet trolls is that you're not supposed to feed them. I've never heard that you can't use them as muses for a new blog post though!
So, I thought I'd consider some of the accusations lobbed at me in the comments for my post yesterday by one (or possibly two using the same computer). These are the things I know about me as a reflection of what the trolls said about me.
- I know I have considered getting a paid job. I have trained. I have done some casual paid work. I have applied for permanent part time or full time work. I also know potential employers have baulked as soon as I mentioned I am legally blind. I know I have seriously considered not disclosing my vision impairment in order to get a job, but I also know that if anything went awry on the job and it was discovered that I am legally blind, my vision impairment would be seen as the cause of the issue - even if it was not the cause.
- I know that I have bought a lot of expensive gadgets this year. I know the computer was absolutely necessary for me as I attempt to earn money because writing is what I do, and hopefully, one day I will be able to teach writing or even sell my writing. I know I need a reliable computer to undertake a PhD. I know I need a large screen so I can read what is on the screen. I know that I need the voice facility on my computer to read longer pieces of research. I know legally blind people need expensive technology even more than fully sighted people - the cost and storage of such equipment is part of the reason so many employers aren't keen to employ people with a vision impairment.
- I know I can do telemarketing work and receptionist work - in fact I have done both of these in the past. I also know it doesn't matter to employers what I can do. Employers are only interested in what I can't do as a result of my vision impairment. I can't read very quickly. In fact, because I have to be methodical, I do most things more slowly than your average sighted person. It doesn't matter what I can do if an employer isn't willing to give me a chance.
- I know I wrote here that I was embarrassed that my husband had changed careers to a job that carries less prestige in our society. I also know that I wrote that as a confession because I knew I should be proud of whatever job he does. I know that since I wrote that I have gotten over my shallow impulse and I know I am very proud that my husband is the caring, humble person that he is who is more than happy to care for the personal needs of the elderly and infirm. I am proud that he puts the needs of his family before his own need for admiration or social status. I know I have changed my perception of my husbands job. I know I had to take a long, hard look at my own issues in that regard and I have grown through making that confession and acknowledging that I am not perfect.
- I know I have a fat arse. In fact, if I could only describe my arse with one world it would be fat! I know someone else calling my arse fat is just that person stating the obvious because they couldn't think of a more effective way to insult me - and I'm not even insulted by being told I have a fat arse... I love my fat arse!
- I know I have judged other people on my blog. I think it's a bit of a stretch to say I've judged every other person on my blog though. I know I haven't judged everyone else on my blog. I know I am constantly working on not judging other people. I know I'm a work in progress in that regard.
- I know I have never bragged about how much social benefits our family receives. Bragging implies I'm proud of living off Government payments. Pride is not how I'd describe my feelings about living entirely off Government payments. I am thankful we live in a country that provides a safety net for many people who are not able to support themselves - despite their best efforts - like my husband and myself. I know I would much rather we earned out own money which was the point of my post yesterday. I was thankful that the Grumpy Old Man finally had a job! Sadly, that joy didn't last very long.
- I have absolutely never bragged about 'living off an old lady'. I have mentioned several times that we would not have managed without regular help from the GOM's mother. We try not to ask for help, but inevitably we end up needing her assistance regularly. I am in no way proud of this. I am indescribably grateful that she is willing and able to help us.
- I am not money hungry. I would like for us to be able to support our own family on our own. That is not the same as being money hungry. I do daydream about buying things I like - last time I checked daydreaming doesn't cost anything or harm anyone.
- I know there have been times I wasted money. This is absolutely true. There have been times when things were looking very hopeful, and I've thrown caution to the wind (like when I bought the boys their iPods, because my boys have never had any kind of technology before and I thought it would also help keep them quiet in the car when the GOM gets his licence) and the following week something really shitty has happened to dash all hope and I've regretted being so frivolous. File that under 'Nostradamus and I share the same birth, but not the capacity for predicting the future.'
- We have never not been able to feed the children. There have been many times when I've laid awake wondering how we would feed them. Somehow though, it always works out, for which I am endlessly grateful.
- I know that although my blog did get a lot of views yesterday, it wasn't the most I'd ever had. Yesterday's stats weren't even the highest for this week, so if the troll was hoping to help me out with stats, sadly that didn't work out. What a shame.
- I know one thing the troll said really did cause me pause, though. The troll (or trolls) said I whinge a lot. I've been thinking about that. I don't think I whinge all the time, but I think I whinge more than I would like to. So, I will make more effort to be more positive in future because I know I am constantly growing and evolving and I can always be a better me.
- I know I could never be a troll. When I tell someone what I think of them, I want them to know who I am. This is why I use my own name on forums, on Facebook, on Twitter. I believe strongly in personal integrity - being accountable for my words and actions and taking responsibility for my choices, even if those choices are poor or, at best, questionable.
Oh, there is one other thing I know about trolls, actually. While trolls are always full of criticism, they never seem to want to put their money where their mouth is. If my trolls were hoping to teach me something about not judging people, or challenge me to get a real job, the least they could have done was model not judging or offer me or my husband a job!
Oh, and someone told me last night that a troll on your blog is a sign that you've hit the big time. I'd love to believe that was true. Maybe then I could support my family more effectively on my fat arse!
Linking with Yay for Home! for 'Things I know'.
What do you know?