Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Write on Wednesdays: I Thought I Saw...

Write On Wednesdays



Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 - Write the words "I thought I saw" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.

I thought I saw

'Mama, Mama, come look, she's out in the garden.' Abigail ran into the kitchen clutching her rag-doll 'Becky' to her chest. Her mother glanced back over her shoulder and sighed.

'Honey, I don't want to play this game today, okay? I have to finish these here dishes and then get the roast on for Pappy's visit.'

'But Mama, she came into our garden this time. She offered me an orange and-'

'You didn't take it?' Abigail's mother was quickly taking of her rubber gloves and stretching to see out the kitchen fly-screen door.

'No Mama, you said not to take gifts from strangers. She was very pretty though, and she had a very friendly smile.'

Abigail's mother was at the kitchen door now, peering out, 'Well, I can't see her, Abby.' Abigail heard the annoyance in her mother's voice.

'She was there a moment ago.' Abigail's voice sounded weak with uncertainty.

'Who was there?'

'Pappy!' The girl raced into the arms of her grandfather, 'I saw the white haired lady again.'

'You thought you saw her.' Abigail's mother corrected.

Abigail played with her grandfather's whiskers for a moment, then sigh, 'Okay, I thought I saw her.'

11 comments:

claire said...

That was a very cute picture of a little girl. I liked the feeling of the mother not seeing it. There are many things that small children can see that no one else can. Maybe it was a fairy!

Finding a skinnier me said...

I pictured a fairy god mother.. don't know why. Great piece! I really like how you captured the mother and child interacting about what the child thought she saw.

Kerry said...

I like this piece a lot. You've captured the innocence of a child and parenting frustrations together. I got the feel that the white-haired lady may be her grandmother who has passed, and Abby is seeing her outside. So many different options! I'd like to see where this goes.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful and somehow melancholy, did she or didn't she? Love the flow of this piece, nice work.

Sif said...

Thank you! I love the various intepretations of what the girl believed she saw. They say children - because they are innovcent and open-minded - can see things adults have long since learned to rationalise away. I wanted to described the moment when a child might learn to second guess their own senses...

Jayne said...

I love the way you combine action, thought and dialogue at once to emphasise your characters' relationships.

It's so sad that Abigail hears the note of annoyance in her mother's voice and becomes less certain of what she saw as a result.

It seems it won't be long before she doesn't 'see' anymore.

Sarah Mac said...

I was thinking the same as Jayne as I read this - how sad that a little of the wonder was taken away (assuming it really was her imagination!).

Beautifully written Sif

Rain said...

I know you said you wanted to capture the moment when a child learns to second-guess their senses, but I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Abigail when her mother corrected her: "You thought you saw her.". I could sense Abby's excitement deflate, something not everyone can achieve without explicitly saying it -- I know I can't do that. There's so much I can learn from this. =)

/ Rain

spring days, new growth said...

As above, however i felt that you drew a beautifully trusting picture of Abigail and her grandfather - as she played with his whiskers (exquisite!) "I saw the white haired lady again" inferring that he had fully accepted her vision last time. Sweet.
kate

Melinda Chapman said...

Sif, this flows beautifully, and it has a classic [but unassuming] fable quality to it.
I felt an instant tug of sadness with the end line... like seeing a little light go out in her. I've never read anything that captures this moment in a child's life. Great insight!

Janelle said...

I was picturing Abbey seeing a fairy at first, then when she said it was a white-haired lady I thought she was seeing a ghost.
I think the fact that her mother was concerned about Abbey taking something from the lady shows that her mother is not entirely convinced that there was no one there!

Change, and then change back...