Also, it's 10.30am, I have a friend coming in an hour and I only just remembered it's Tuesday and that I usually do a 10 Things Post on Tuesdays... Did I mention it's been a bit crazy around here lately? (an now it's 3pm and I'm just doing a quick copy edit before posting, gah!)
#1 ~ I got a new tattoo!
Isn't it lovely? It's a lotus flower which represents growth and transformation, strength and individuality, and the two curly cues represent eternity. So, it's all about the constant cycle of growing and transforming and becoming stronger and more self-aware. I got it as an answer to the butterfly on the back of my right shoulder, which is Erik's tattoo about transformation. Erik was a little sad that the other boys' tattoos were all constantly visible and his was always partially hidden, so now he has one that is also very visible (on my left inner forearm near the inner elbow).
#2 ~ Men are not evil, shallow people. Just sayin'. I know a lot of women who have been badly treated by men and who believe most men are out to dominate them. I really believe in the equality of the sexes, which also means I believe women can be just as horrible as men, just as willing to dominate and manipulate, just as thoughtless and just as heartless. I also believe that, like women, there are men who are none of these things, who given half a chance, will show they are not perfect (also just like women) but are willing to look deeper than your dress size and treat you (a woman) as their equal. Yes, they will say or do stupid stuff, but once we acknowledge that everyone does that, that no one is perfect, it becomes a give and take, not just give, give, give or take, take, take. Men are not the enemy.
#3 ~ I hate that if I move my mouse a certain way, or swipe it a certain way it zooms in on the page I'm looking at and that I can't figure out how not to make it zoom in - because I have it a very large setting already and seeing just part of a word, all pixelated doesn't actually help me.
#4 ~ School fairs rock! This year's school fair was really weird though. We weren't as cohesive as a family as we have been in previous years. We seemed to touch base but then each go in our separate directions a lot. The GOM left early this year because Ari was tired and cranky and so he took Bryn with him, and left the other two to hang with their friends while I worked on a stall. It was all a bit, I dunno, out of sync and different. I kind of hope we get our old feeling back next year as that'll be Erik's last year there. Or maybe this is just part of the natural cycle of transition?
#5 ~ Got some news last week that my parents might be moving closer to mum's work temporarily (like for a few years) and it has unnerved me. I guess with everything being so unstable for us at the moment, not picturing my parents in their forever home just adds to that feeling of instability. Yes, I'm being a complete baby about it, I know. Too much change, too much change...
#6 ~ We're still in limbo regarding the GOM's work situation. Limbo is our norm. I don't have any hope left now of this working out in our favour. He sent in his complaint two weeks ago tomorrow. He was told the day after that we'd hear back from the commission within five working days. When we hadn't heard anything last Thursday he called them and found out we hadn't been assigned a conciliator yet but that should happen this week. The workplace doesn't know we've put in a complaint until we get a conciliator. By the time they hear about, they'll have employed someone else. He's not looking for another job because the outcome we've sought is him getting the job he was promised. Limbo.
#7 ~ I'm psychic! I have to tell you that that is totally confirmed now, go ahead and laugh (yes, see I knew you were going to laugh, see???). Yesterday morning I woke and tried to do some reading for this review I have to do by the end of this week. I couldn't concentrate, I was very restless, I felt as if I had to do something. I needed to find the hedge shears and cut the long, long grass on the nature strips and the front yard. I asked the GOM to get them out of the garage for me but he said he'd taken them back to his mum's. At this point I had a small panic attack. I said we absolutely couldn't leave the grass the way it was. The GOM definitely thought I was losing the plot because while I'd mentioned it before I hadn't been too stressed about it until yesterday morning, when fixing it suddenly became imperative.
Anyway, I managed to calm down - at least outwardly - and actually needed to go have a nap because I felt exhausted. A couple of hours later the GOM woke me because he needed to take a shower and needed me to watch Ari. I got up and while he was in the shower there was a knock at the door. The guy standing there said he was from the local council and was handing out infringement notices for unkempt yards leading up to the fire season. He said we had two weeks to clear our yards and nature strip or the owners would be fine. He left. Cue second, much bigger panic attack complete with hyperventilation. He'd said the council usually pays about $2000 to have yards like ours cleared forcibly if the occupants won't or can't do it themselves. Gah! I don't need to tell you we don't have that sort of money. We've gotten two quotes so far this morning though, for $250 and $160 to do the job... We've had many generous offers of help as well. I had a third panic attack in the middle of the night, but am feeling relatively calm today... Yes, crazy, both me and the life we're leading at the moment. Wanna see our grass collection - it's rather extensive, here are just some shots... It was last cut in March this year.
#8 ~ I'm still only 3000 words into my NaNoWriMo novel. At this rate I'll be lucky to clock 12000 for the month, let alone 50000. I've just got to get this novel review out of the way, and the gardening, and the panic attacks, and I'll be right - or is that write?
#9 ~ I want to tell the powers that be - whatever is running this shindig - to bite me. I could say more but you don't want to read it. One day I'll go back to my 'the world is a lovely place and it's all about having a good attitude' lala reality; at the moment that seems to a long way off. In the meantime 'bite me'.
#10 ~ Deep down inside, there is this little kernel that won't go away. A tiny little seed which sits there in the dark, tightly wound in on itself in defence of the great angry blackness that pollutes the rest of my being right now. This tiny little golden seed is waiting, dormant, trying not to bring attention to itself except that it is there and it has a slightly warm glowing aura that I can feel. This seed is what is left of the great positive energy which use to surround me as I strode confidently through life. It's sitting there like the pea under the princess' 100 mattresses making its tiny presence known. Some days I can feel the blackness wanting to move in and crush the tiny seed and I feel helpless to protect it, but it seems to have its own ability to do that anyway. I'm looking forward to the day when the seed starts to unfurl again and push through the blackness until it breaks out into a nurturing light - a lot like the lotus blossom I had tattooed onto my arm on Sunday. The blossom reminds me that little seeds have amazing resilience and can wait until the conditions are right to bloom and there is a little seed of pure happiness inside me waiting...
Also linking up with Diary of a SAHM for I Blog on Tuesday!
Also linking up with Diary of a SAHM for I Blog on Tuesday!