I was cool with that, I even kept my cool when he pointed to a women and yelled, 'Penis!'... Luckily, she was also cool with it.
We've had other fun times, like when I recently made a one woman push for the word vagina to be used in preference of 'vajayjay' or Luey's all time favourite 'vahmmmmmm'... Yesterday, he confided he still actually prefers to say 'vahmmmmmm' - I whispered to myself, 'Small steps, Sif, small steps, he's only ten'...
My approach to society's taboo topics is to be very straight forward and open and matter-of-fact and to always answer a question where and when it is asked.
I don't not want my kids growing up with all sorts of weird and mostly not-so-wonderful misconceptions about their bodies or about sex. I certainly don't want some girl's irate mother lobbing on my doorstep telling me her daughter got pregnant from my son because he told her 'It isn't sex if it isn't inside'. Remember how Clinton didn't cheat on his wife because it was just oral? Things that make you go, hmmm.
So, and speaking of oral, when one of my children asks at the dining table - in front of his littlest brothers, 'Mum, what is a blow job?' I answer - while the Grumpy Old Man chokes on his food - 'It's a sexual act where one person stimulates the other persons genitals with their mouth, sweetheart.' This leads to much 'Eeeeewwww!'ing and gagging and a bit of laughter and me saying, 'Yes, it sounds gross, but a lot about sex sounds gross in the cold, hard light of day.'
On Saturday we took the boys grocery shopping. We try never to do this. Four boys in a crowded shopping centre with a stressed out Grumpy Old Man is not how I like to spend my Saturday afternoons, but sometimes it can't be avoided.
We were working through the list and were up to isle nine, the shampoo, cosmetic and sanitary items isle. Oh yes, you know where I'm going with now... If you're too squeamish, look away. If you are mature and open minded, follow me.
I reached for a couple of packets of pads and Luey in his eminently high pitched voice-that-carries, squawked, 'What are those for? And, what are these back here?' he pointed to the tampons. I glanced up and down the isle which was chockers with Saturday
'These are pads, and those are tampons.'
'What are they for?'
'Well, from the age of ten or so, sometimes later, every month girls and women bleed from their vaginas, and these go in their undies to soak up the blood, or they can put those inside their vaginas.'
'Bleed???' Luey looks around him at all the women in the isle as if he is excepting a re-enactment of the lift scene from 'The Shining'.
'Yep, every month. It's called a period and it happens if the egg that the girl or woman releases each month isn't used to make a baby. The body kind of chucks it out. It's completely normal'
'Oh, yeah, it's okay, I'm not grossed out,' he squeaks, 'I was just curious. What happens to men?'
I resisted the urge to say, 'Men generally live in fear of their testicles because they tend to do and say stupid stuff around women who are bleeding.' and instead went with...
'Nothing, you guys are pretty lucky, huh?'
He nods enthusiastically.
'So, it's like a blood clot?'
'Yeah, something like that, only bigger' (admittedly bigger wasn't the best description to use here, I'm sure he's imagining some horrific, bloody football-sized thing, but I was also trying to save the rest of the isle from their embarrassment and we were getting perilously close to the Grumpy Old Man, who would break out into a cold sweat before passing out if he heard us. 'Clean up in isle nine, Grumpy Old Man with 19th century moral code...'
'When does it stop?'
'Mostly when women are between fifty and fifty-five...'
'Fifty-five???' and the boy looked appropriately sympathetic.
My job was done and we turned into isle ten - the chocolate isle!