Do you ever have days where you realise you're getting it all wrong and there is no start over, so you just have to get through it and start afresh tomorrow?
I'm having one of those days...
* The dog desperately needs a walks, he hasn't been walked in a few days because of the rain (and our common aversion to it). Last night he was extremely anxious and unsettled. He needed to do his business but he doesn't like to walk on our very spongy wet grass. So, he was wanting to go out every 20 minutes or so, but then not actually going, or not going properly. He didn't sleep well, so neither did I.
* So, we both slept in today. The Grumpy Old Man is a dear in that way. He's happy enough to hold the fort while I sleep if I've had a rough night with a baby, or in this case, a dog. Unfortunately, he was somewhat unaware of all that needed doing today.
* I had a nightmare about being ignored and left alone by extended family and close friends. It was one of those awkward situations where I should have just jumped in and included myself in conversation and the goings on - where they were probably expecting me too, but I didn't and they didn't encourage me and because of my low vision I missed some important cues and then they all just left me alone - literally alone in a room. I really hate anxious dreams like that, all my greatest fears welling up. Dreams like this leave me feeling very vulnerable and somewhat self-loathing.
* This morning I had what is probably an irrational overreaction to some news that in this context probably doesn't mean anything, but which triggers all sorts of past hurts and anxieties and which I am not able to be rational about - and a big part of me doesn't want to be rational about at all. Sadly, it means being somewhat irrational with people I don't want to offend but may already have offended. I'm sorry.
* We were working to a tight budget this week so only bought groceries until yesterday in the weekly shop. The plan was to do a big shop this morning, but then I slept in. So, there is no dinner and this afternoon the Grumpy Old Man has a driving session which he really, really needs to do because he hasn't driven in something like 6 weeks and the kids need to be picked up from school and then Erik has art class, so no big shop will be done today.
* Because we didn't get out this morning, I haven't gotten the money out of the bank to pay for the rest of Erik's art class, so before the class today we'll have to walk up to get some money from the nearest ATM, so my plans of taking the bus go out the window this week as well.
So, today I'm thankful for tomorrow and the clean slate it offers.
I'm thankful for the knowledge that days like today are relatively far apart and that nothing is really bad wrong that can't be fixed, if not without a little inconvenience.
I'm thankful for a partner who is happy to let me sleep in when I need to.
I'm thankful dreams aren't reality.
I'm thankful that the dog will get a walk to pick the boys up from school - even if it is shorter than I'd planned.
I'm thankful that Erik really does love his art class.
I'm thankful the nearest ATM is a walk away (even if it is a longish walk away).
I'm thankful that dinner shopping can be done while Erik is in class and hog dogs are not only popular around here but only take 10 minutes to make.
I'm thankful that I'm really okay with giving the boys hot dogs once in a while (even if a while was only a week ago).
I'm thankful for people who will more than likely understand my neuroses and forgive my irrationality.
I'm thankful for tomorrow and the hope of getting some of it right...
What are you thankful for today?
I'm joining Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday.
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