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Showing posts from July, 2012

Defining oneself in negative space...

Probably the first thing the Grumpy Old Man ever complimented me on was that I knew what I wanted. Apparently, all the other women he'd dated had suffered from that not-so-rare disease 'You decide' and he found this forever frustrating. On the one hand it was great to have the last word on which movie to see and which restaurant to go to, but on the other hand there was this nagging doubt in the back of his mind that if he chose poorly, he'd forever be 'that guy who never considered my feelings'...

I can see why, too. The first time we went to the movies together, he took me to see David Lynch's Lost Highway. Here's a hint; I thought Gremlins was a really scary movie... Mine and the Grumpy Old Man's tastes in movies is only overlap in the smallest of venn diagram ellipses. The same goes for music and food.

Even though he bestowed such a gracious compliment on me, I still find that I struggle with defining myself by what I am, but find it rather easy…

Thankful Thursday: Stepping up...

Dear Lord, it's Thursday! How can it be that I keep losing track of the days?

Well, okay, this week I shamefully have to admit that I lost track of a few days because I didn't eat on Saturday night. Not eating in and of itself is not a terrible thing - I mean for one night, not eating at all is bound to do damage in the not-so-long-run, though. However, on Saturday night I really should have eaten, you see I had a few drinks. Not more than I usually do - I have inherited something of a tolerance for alcohol which is good in that I don't tend to develop hangovers even after an amount that would send others reeling, but bad in that it is often also associated with a predilection for alcoholism. I had a few, and they were mixed spirits and most importantly, I didn't eat.

So, Sunday was a write off. I have not had a hangover like the one I had on Sunday since the very early 90s and that $4.50 bottle of port. Let me tell you something about $4.50 bottles of port - they are …

How much time do you have left?

In that semi-stupor between waking and sleeping this morning I realised that in the back of my head, I don't think I have much time left.

This may be a genetic fault on my father's side. He's been living on borrowed time since he was forty-five. That is to say, he always believed he would die young, not live far past the age of forty-five, and so, now at the age of almost sixty-three, he's been on borrowed time for the past eighteen years.

I wasn't ever conscious of my belief that I might not live long until early this morning, when I realised that when I try to project myself into my life down the track there is a definite dark horizon rising up to meet me in only a couple of years time.


I realised that it's been there for a very long time, but now that I've stepped into my forties it seems to be much clearer. I can't really see my life beyond forty-two or forty-three.

That doesn't necessarily mean I won't live beyond that time, so don't ev…

Judgement? You're soaking in it...

It's that time of year again. The time of year many households in Australia check their bank account every day for the Family Tax Benefit Supplement payments. It is also a time of much judgement, I find. There are constantly threads on parenting forums where those who have judge those who don't for spending lumps sums 'frivolously'.

Last year I spent the payments on a computer and iPad (which have helped me write, get published and prepare for undertaking a doctorate) and three iPods for my older boys and I came under much fire for doing so because we later found ourselves in financial difficulty when the Grumpy Old Man did not become gainfully employed as expect, because he had a firm job offer at the time I spent the FTB.

This year it's just after lunch on the day the FTB Supps were deposited in my account and yes, all the money is gone again...

No electronics this year, and no, no car either.

The Grumpy Old Man is still unemployed a year on - even though after …

Busy doing very little...

I made this card this morning in preparation for the blog post I'm about to write.


We've had a hectic couple of weeks during the holidays, busier than usual with other kids birthday parties and our kids birthdays, play dates, visits from friends and of course, my parents coming over to pick up their caravan.
I don't mind busy holidays. With a house full of kids, busy holidays can actually be better than really quiet holidays (our usual variety); where everyone has plenty of opportunity to get on everyone else's last, frazzled nerve - especially mine!
Yesterday, even though to kids were back at school, we were still running around from dawn to dusk, so today was the first proper routine day and I was looking forward to doing nothing.
Of course, it didn't quite work out that way, it hardly ever does, but it got me thinking about so many of my family and friends who are run off their feet with life and who sometimes, like me, feel the need to fib about being busy even…

Do you have low self-esteem?

I don't.

I used to think I did, but having met several people who really do have low self-esteem, I've now come to realise I actually have low confidence (and note I don't say low self-confidence, but more on that later), and that is a different breed of animal all together.

I was having a chat with a friend the other day about people who constantly put themselves down. If you are a participant in social media you might be aware of this kind of person. Everyone is smarter than them, prettier than them, more motivated, better organised, or has greater talent than them. It goes further, some of these people are not at all opposed to running themselves down to others with comments like, 'I'm so fat' (and not in a proud, fat acceptance way, but in a negative, self-loathing kind of way), or 'I'm stupid' or 'I'm ugly'.

Some people are just fishing for compliments, of course, but the ones who persist; the ones who simply cannot take a complimen…

I swear there's gypsy blood in my lineage...

This week my mum and step-dad have picked up their new caravan. It's a beauty, it really is! I think at forty, with four relatively young children (still dependant children), the idea of living full time in a caravan kind of scares me. I know it doesn't scare other people my age, mind you. Quite a few people I know have either gone on extended round-Australia trips with their children, or would like to do that. I wouldn't mind going on a month long trip, maybe, but choosing to live permanently in the small space of even a 25 foot long caravan still makes me nervous.

They've become minimalists!

I said to mum yesterday that I couldn't think of anything to give her for her birthday next month because she doesn't have room for even one more thing in the caravan. She said I was 'off the hook'... I think not - I just have to be more inventive. There are plenty of consumables which do not need storage!

Now, I guess, because they can't buy size or quantity,…

Cold to the bone!

Anyone else in Melbourne think we're having an extraordinarily cold winter this year?

I could take this personally, you know. I made a vow back in May that I would not let Seasonal Adjustment Disorder get the better of me this year. I vowed to find joy in the cold weather! Yes, well, that was before we had the 1-2 degree night - and several off them each week!

It also seems to be raining a LOT this winter - like 5 days out of every 7!

The Grumpy Old Man said he heard on the radio that meteorologists are predicting another el niño for this summer because they are often preceded by particularly wet winters. The last el niño was around 2008/09; the summer Ari was a newborn and there were rolling brownouts in the city and we ended up with no electricity for 24 hours on a 47 degree day...



I'm not wishing for a heat wave, really, I'm not, but... BUT, right now - as I lose feeling in my feet (through my big fuzzy socks), I do kind of wish it was summer already!

In other news, I&#…

Local Landscapes Exhibit at the Ian Potter Centre...

Last Sunday the Grumpy Old Man, Erik, Luey and I headed off into the city. My friend Jayne got up far too early on a Sunday morning to come and watch Bryn and Ari for us.

We had an invitation for four to attend the opening of the Local Landscapes exhibition at the Ian Potter Centre at Federation Square where Erik's most recent work was being exhibited.

The opening turned out only to be for the children from Erik's school. Out of the 20 children who participated about half turned up for the opening.

The director of the project had a talk about what the children had learned during the initial seminar and presented them with certificates of participation. Then we were all shown upstairs to see the children's work.

Of the eight schools which participated from all over Victoria, four had their works on display on Sunday. The standard of work varied but it was wonderful to see than children had been encouraged share a place which was meaningful to them by painting it and writing…