Thursday, November 29, 2012

Reading on the toilet...

Do you?


I don't and I've never understood people who do...


I'm guessing it is a practice which became ingrained in individuals right back in early childhood when they were toilet learning. I imagine parents encouraged bored children to stay put on the potty until their bodies evacuated of their own accord... Think about why parents might do this - possibly because children in nappies are so unaware of their evacuations that they might wander off before finishing? Surely adults are more in tune with their bodies that they don't need to actually hear a splash to know they're finished???


I can't help but view needing to read on the toilet as a form of disassociation; Oh, I'm not pooing or peeing, I'm just sitting here reading with my pants down... Yeah, you're not fooling anyone but yourself! 'Do you mind if I go read a book in your toilet for a while?' screams 'Right, I'm off to lay a cable!' It's poo! Every single person on the planet does it, so get over it already!

There are many reasons - besides disassociation - that I just can't read on the loo...

1. There's just not enough time - unless of course I want to sit there reading, over an open pit of my own body waste - I'm in, on, and out in a matter of a couple of minutes. This is the case for a couple of reasons; I only go when I need to go and also, the longer I spend in the smallest room of the house, the more likely it is one or more of my children will have brought Western Civilation to the brink of collapse in my absence (particularly the four year old).

2. The lighting in there isn't very good either, so I barely have time to adjust my eyes before I'm ready to leave.

3. In the case of number twos... Well, hmmm, maybe I'm strange but I want to get out of stench asap; not sit in the wafting aroma of waste and disinfectant while I finish the chapter or article...

3. There is no avoiding the issue if bacteria. E-coli, even in the cleanest toliet is everywhere. When you share a house with five unco-ordinated males, it'sa damn site more dodgy! Even letting them play computer games doesn't seem to have improved their hand-eye co-ordination - I'm sure you get the picture. There isn't enough disinfactant in Australia to safeguard against five blokes sharing one toilet...

So, it gets on your hands, then you're handing a book or newspaper or magasine, wiping yourself - and God forbid you actually have a toilet library like the ones pictured here! Even if you remember to close the loo lid before flushing, that's not an airtight seal, you know... Splash-back and micro fine spray... Ever watched the movie Outbreak? Now imagine itty-bitty unseen molecules of body waste flying through the air when you fart or flush the loo... That's all I'm saying... If you don't have a toilet library, chances are the reading material (covered in e-coli, by now) goes back into the main part of the house - want to do a swab test on your book shelf? Coffee table? Kitchen counter? Paper is a porous haven for bacteria, peoples!


Reading on the toilet is a bad, bad idea! Really, if you're having that much trouble relaxing your sphincter muscle, you should consider meditation or metamucil!

Bless, bless Sif xxx


Sarah said...

I'm actually feeling a little ill at the thought!

I've never read on the loo but my 13 year old daughter does. I was planning on borrowing the book she's currently reading once she had finished but now I'm not so sure I want to!

Thanks Sif ;)

Sif Dal said...

Oh, my pleasure, Sarah, LOL! It's frightful, isn't it? It's one of the reasons I'm not so keen on Library books and second hand books!

Mr B said...

LOL I had a good giggle at this ! I agree with you...blergghhh my kids like to do it, but me, in and out as quick as I can thankyou!

Good Job!