Not that I'm the sort of person who runs from the truth much, but sometimes it takes a while for the truth the sink in for me.
This last week has been a bit like that.
For one thing, I've had a cold. We've had a lot of colds in our house this year. I was talking to my friend, Jayne, and realised we'd run out of Olive Leaf extract. I was probably the only one who took it regularly but possibly it was doing us, or at least me, more good than we realised. This week I developed a cough and laryngitis. The laryngitis didn't really hurt much, but I started to lose my voice. I took Friday off work - even though that deadline is pressing down now and of course, I've been slack - and then on Saturday I had decided not to go to friend's party that night, but then changed my mind in the afternoon because I was feeling a bit better having spent most of the day just lazing about. Sunday wasn't good, though, I pretty much landed right back at square one, recovery wise. I had no energy and no voice. I stayed in bed all day, only getting up last night because I desperately needed to wash some clothes for this week.
This morning I'm at work because I have to be to get this stuff done, but if I had a choice, I'd still be in bed. The cough isn't so bad and my voice is coming back, but I feel drained. The truth is soldiering on is not always the best policy, even if it seems like it'll be more fun in the short term than a quiet night in.
Another truth I have been struggling with this week is Erik's diagnosis. Last Tuesday was his first day back at school for term four. That evening I received a call from his math teacher saying she had had to send him out of class (along with several other students) for being disruptive. I have to admit, I did not receive this news well. I explained to her about having Erik assessed and how the psychologist had said Erik's pragmatic language skills (or lack thereof) might be interfering with his ability to keep up in math. This, of course, was news to her. I admitted we probably should be filling the school in on the assessment and the finding, but the truth is, I wasn't ready to do that yet.
I wanted to get him to the Paediatrician and the Speech Pathologist first and make sure we had an official diagnosis before we started putting this label on him.
The truth of that is, and I only realised this just this week while discussing it with a group of friends. While I accept the diagnosis and it all makes good sense to me, it is also the realisation that Erik will never 'grow out of' his quirks. He will probably never grow out of thinking literally and on rails, of find it difficult to transfer concepts between situations. He will probably always struggle, to some degree, with understanding what others need from him and explaining what he needs from them.
Early intervention is great and according to his psychologist I have done a lot of what any early intervention practioner would have recommended and facilitated anyway, so he's already developed a lot of skills, the progress at this age and stage is going to be slower, more incremental, more subtle than when he was six. We're a lot closer to 'as good as it gets' than we would have had he been diagnosed at a younger age.
So, yeah, this is not a phase he's going to grow out of. It's a hard fact. Whether I'm ready or not, we're going to have to talk to the school about it.
We have a speech pathologist assessment on Wednesday, and I'll call today and book in with the Paediatrician as well - which is something I've been putting off. Hopefully we can at least see them before talking to the school - so we have the full picture.
Onwards and upwards I guess...