Facts About Insomniacs...

As a veteran of insomnia, I feel well qualified to disseminate a little FYI about the realities of being an insomniac and some helpful tips for living with an insomniac. Let's see...

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  • Insomniacs are deep thinkers. This is the main reason we cannot get to sleep. We start thinking about something and then we get buried in the thought and then we can't get out again and the whole theory of 'just let the thoughts slip away, zen style' is completely lost on us because we'll probably just start thinking about the how zen itself isn't very zen because you still have a desire - the desire to let go of desire...
  • People with ADHD are notorious sufferers of insomnia - this is because a) we have overlapping thought processes; several channels of thought going at once - we can think about zen, and a den of lion, and Ken the lawn-mowing guy, and dammit the grass is getting too long in the front yard again, must call Ken, and b) we are readily distracted by every sound, car lights across the bedroom wall, that stupid bird outside who doesn't realise it's 2am...
  • We've already tried warm milk, reading before bedtime, a jog around the block, Valerian, sex, a hot bath and any other suggestion you can come up with, and now we're thinking of ways to smother you in your sleep, so thanks for the extra mind-work, that really helps...
  • Insomnia often begins in childhood, and I have a theory it is strongly link with controlled-crying or crying-it-out, so stop doing that to your babies because quite seriously, when they figure it out, you know, scientifically, you'll be on the list of people your darling child insomniac will want to smother...
  • After several sleepless nights an insomniac will suddenly find themselves drifting off to sleep effortlessly at 9pm, only to awake four hours later, and lay there wondering if drifting off effortlessly was really worth it.
  • It's a really bad idea to snore if you're the partner of an insomniac, and a worse idea to complain that a sleep mask makes it difficult for you to sleep comfortably...
  • Do not try to prevent an insomniac from falling asleep during daylight hours in the misguided assumption that somehow fighting sleep during the day will aide easy sleep at night. Insomniacs are a bit like babies, if their body says sleep, just go with it, because it's a rare bloody event, OK???
  • If your insomniac is sleeping in the wee hours just before dawn and you wake up and start thinking about your day and realise you have a question only your insomniac can answer, but that question can actually wait until your insomniac has to get up an hour from when it entered your dear, sweet, tiny mind, WAIT AN HOUR! Do not, under any circumstances nudge your insomniac and ask them your pressing completely unimportant question because once awake, your insomniac is totally screwed.
  • Do not subsequently tell your insomniac to 'just drift back off to sleep'... Not if you value your sleep...
Now, where can I buy a nice fluffy pillow?



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