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Frustrating Week...

I've felt quite frustrated this week.

I haven't been to work at all, though I'm sure I'll be fine by Monday.

I'm feeling a bit frustrated with my painting. I think I just need more patience. I need to do the paintings in stages and allow for proper drying in between those stages to achieve the end results I'm looking for.

Excellent news, on the painting front, though. I sold a painting! I wasn't even considering selling the paintings - I didn't feel they had much commercial value - I was doing them to please myself. Then someone wanted to buy one of my paintings - someone I don't actually know! That's a good feeling!

The painting I sold.

Took Erik to a paediatrician this week. When diagnosing children with Aspergers or Autism for the purpose of early intervention, the diagnosis must be a team consensus. Erik is outside this category in that he is no longer eligible for early intervention because he is over the age of twelve. In fact, we are receiving a Carers Allowance for him based on the diagnosis of his psychologist only. However, we have also taken him to a speech therapist (who didn't disagree with the psychologists diagnosis) and we took him to a Paediatrician this week.

The frustrating thing is, Erik was diagnosed with Aspergers under the DSM IV as it was still in use when the psychologist diagnosed him. It has since been superseded by the DSM 5 (sic) where Aspergers has been wholly subsumed into ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and the Paediatrician feels he would not qualify for an Autism diagnosis mainly because he doesn't seem to be challenged outside the home. That is to say, he has plenty of friends and he isn't constantly in trouble at school.

I described the various issues we've had with him and her response was 'That is all normal teenage behaviour'. The thing is, this isn't recent behaviour, this is behaviour we've been dealing with all his life. I also feel judged as a parent by this Paed. She asked Erik about the fighting with his brothers and what consequences he received for that. He said no consequences. This is absolutely not true. The problem is, because Erik is not deterred by consequences, he doesn't see them as consequences (his explanation to me afterwards, folks). So, sending him to his room, revoking all privileges (technology, social outings etc.), making him make amends to his brothers by doing nice stuff for them etc. None of these are a deterrent for him, so he doesn't view them as consequences. It is as if a criminal told the justice, 'Sending me to jail won't stop me, so I'm not phased by it.'

I told her about him stealing, she told me to lock up my purse because 1/2 of all teenagers will steal from their parents, given the opportunity.

I told her about the impulsive behaviour - she said, 'That's perfectly normal.'

I almost cried in her office from sheer frustration. I did end up telling her straight out, 'This is not a parenting issue, I have three other children who I have none of these problems with.'

I felt that because I didn't take Erik to a speech therapist at two, because I didn't send him to kindergarten, because he was breastfed until 4.5, because he didn't start school until 7.5 and because he claimed there are no consequences for anti-social behaviour, she has basically written his behaviour off as normal for a child who isn't parented 'properly'. Thank goodness she didn't ask about his immunisation status, hey?

In other news, I've been getting to bed at mostly reasonable hours (last night I got carried away painting and didn't get into bed until after 1am, but that's the first time in four weeks). And I've been getting up around 6-7.30am most mornings (never later than 9.30am), but I haven't kept up with the iron and Berocca, and I haven't been eating very well - no breakfasts, a fair bit of junk food - and I think those things probably affect my ability to cruise through small frustrations. I need to be more conscientious.

I want the warmer weather to come back, I can deal better with most things in the sun.


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