Skip to main content

Gratuitous second post today - Studying, such a high!

It's very quiet in the office today.

Quiet - I don't get a lot of that in my life these days, except now, because of studying.

Oh, how I love it - studying that is.

I come in here two or three times a week and get to sit completely undisturbed. I'm getting so much work done that my supervisor is beside herself - and I feel like I'm not even doing enough because of the amount of time I spend online.

I get to buy books and read about fascinating stuff (to me), and not only it is fun and stimulating, it's going to get me a great job doing and teaching about one of my passions - writing.

I guess I'm saying I just don't understand people who shy away from study. Not those who aren't interested in it at all - horses for courses - but those who wistfully sigh when you tell them what you are doing. The one's who tell you they really wish they could study, but they think they're too dumb.

There is no such thing!

Too dumb to study? It just isn't true!

I have the concentration span of a nat, and while my long term memory is pretty good - I can remember all sorts of useless stuff from thirty years ago - my short term memory is pretty much non-existent. I forget what day it is, or what I had for breakfast (now that I'm eating breakfast). I cannot tell you the name of the article I was reading just five minutes ago...

And yet, they let me enter this PhD, and they gave me a desk to work at, surrounded by people who are far smarter than I am (you see, everyone believes everyone else is smarter than them in this arena, it is part of what keeps us striving to learn - so we don't look stupid when we open our mouth and blurt out stuff).

I love that sensation that comes with starting out on a learning trek. At first it's all gobbled-gook. You don't understand much (I cling to all the tiny words I know, and, a, the), and then, very slowly, with practice and often a second or third source of information, you start to emerge from the blurry existence of not knowing to understanding a little bit, and then a little bit more, and then you understand how much you still don't understand (which is a scary moment, but you persist because the knew knowledge or skill makes your feel good about yourself). I find it addictive.

I am not the best knitter or crocheter, and I'm far from being a competent painter, but I have really enjoyed learning these skills. I still cringe at my own writing ability, but then people tell me a story I wrote almost made them cry, or that they are excited by my fresh style, and I feel striving is worth it.

I cannot imagine sitting on the sidelines watching other people learn and not even trying for fear of failure. I really, deeply feel pity for people who live under such a shadow of fear.

Step out into the sunlight!

It is okay not to be the best, it really is! You don't have to have the highest mark in your class. You don't have to be the most admired. Let go of your ego. Just do it! Take a chance. Step out of your comfort zone, your safe place. It is strangling you; every day you stay there, you die a little on the inside.

Step out into the sunshine and let yourself live and learn, and sometimes fail - if that happens - because failing is also learning and growing.

Do it!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...


At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Alone... And Stuff...

Do you ever just need to be alone?



As the boys are growing up, we have more times when the house is quiet. The youngest will be asleep. One will be reading, one will be playing on his computer with headphones on, one will be painting and there is stillness.

Sometimes, even that is not enough.

Sometimes I crave being alone, with no possibility of someone suddenly realising they have to tell me something important or ask me a question or even just crash about in the kitchen.

Sometimes I crave S P A C E, lots and lots of space, being able to walk from room to room without encountering another soul.

This is how I felt when I woke up this morning, so instead of getting ready for work, I decided to stay home. Get up, but not go anywhere, no hear the sound of my own voice, or anyone else's.

I think this might just be part of getting older. After a lifetime of chasing after other people and trying not to be alone, my mind and body is full of thoughts, experiences, feelings, and busy-ness …