Mostly, I've let go of that tendency. Mostly, parenting has forced me to let go. I completely failed at being the perfect parent and unlike the first page of a novel, you don't get to do start overs on your kids.
And maybe that is a good thing, because it forces your to lift your game, but also to acknowledge your shortcomings and accept them for what they are - part of being human.
But sometimes, like today, I really wish I could just do a start over.
Today, so far, I've managed to leave my office keys at home - something I didn't realise until I was at the office. So, we had to double back, pick up the keys and then get back to the office. That blew off 40 minutes of my day.
I have blown of a further 45 minutes searching for an email I'm absolutely sure I didn't imagine, but cannot find anywhere. This has led to an embarrassing email needing to be sent to my supervisor telling her I can't find the email I'm sure she sent me nearly two weeks ago as a reference for work I should have been working on for the past 10 days, but haven't been because, you know, life.
None of this is helped by fluctuating hormones. I hate hormones, and I hate them most today. You see, today is peak PMS day for me and I am fully aware that the feeling I have that life and the universe is conspiring against me is pretty much just a result of plummeting progesterone levels. I'm fully aware that in a couple of days time, that feeling will go away even if nothing else actually changes in my life.
Wouldn't it be good if humans weren't at the mercy of their emotions, hey?
I'd love to do a start over of today; one where I put my keys in my handbag last night when I realised they were on my chest of drawers instead of where they should have been (in my handbag), and a start over where I actually read the attachment in the email I'm really, positively sure I didn't imagine getting a couple of weeks ago, instead of filing it under 'things I'll get back to, when I eventually remember'...