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Drained...

I'm sitting here in my office today feeling completely and utterly drained.

A friend was told yesterday that she has cancer. I am angry. She has four small children, she works incredibly hard, she does not deserved this! No one deserves cancer, but seriously, WTF universe? She so unequivocally does NOT deserve this!

I feel so helpless. I don't know what more to write. Yes, we will offer help. Yes, we will do what we can to ease the pain and the distress and the upheaval, but that feel like a drop in an enormous ocean of craptasicity. This is wrong. This is not how things should be. People who are good and kind and work hard should not get cancer, they should get a pass on cancer.

Meanwhile. Mr14 didn't like that he was not getting to go to Fun Fields or Ice Skating with his mates. Instead he was signed up to do Science Experiments (he likes science, by the way) and Animation for free at school. He didn't like this so he didn't hand in his forms this week.

This morning he told the Grumpy Old Man that he didn't hand in his forms because NO ONE was doing the free classes and so they weren't being run. The Grumpy Old Man, of course, completely fell for the this charade and came in to tell me Mr14 would be home today and tomorrow.

I was already angry because, you know, the Universe is a horrible place were lovely, hardworking mother's for four young children get cancer, and so I shot out bed and ordered Mr14 into the shower and told him he WOULD be going to school, and he WOULD be doing the boring, free, school provided activities.

I told him if his bedroom was the Universe, then his personal discomfort over not going to one of the paid activities would be so small as to not even be visible via a microscope. I told him his discomfort over having to do boring school based free activities paled in comparison to the discomfort of four children who today know their mum is very, very sick and needs an operation and has to fight for her very life.



Then we drove him to school and sent to class.

We also picked up his school report at the same time. He received two As, one B, and a number of Cs for the conclusion of his first year of high school. I am very proud of him for the efforts he has made towards his education this year.

So, I arrived later than planned to work today. This is the first time I have sat at my desk in weeks. I had planned to write a conference proposal which is due by Monday, but have spent some time reviewing the schedule of the conference and am now not at all sure it is the right conference for me. In fact, I'm not at all sure if any conferences are right for me. They seem all to be about teaching writing and while I do want to move into academia, my thesis is not about pedagogy. I feel very confused.

And really, is it important when people who don't deserve cancer get cancer?

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