Yesterday sucked. On top of what I wrote about coming to terms with my sight, the friend I mentioned who is fighting for her life was told her cancer is the incurable variety. She's full of fight, and is determined to stick around for a long as she possibly can, which all of us a grateful for! They say a positive attitude makes all the difference, and she has plenty of positive attitude!
So, this morning I woke up feeling pretty hung over. Pretty worn out by yesterday and not really up to picking myself up and getting busy living.
Anyway, here I sit at my desk. Two more stories written (first crappy draft, that is, but two more crappy drafts than I had a few hours ago).
I decided to take a break from writing and do a bit of reading instead. I remembered my supervisor had sent me an example of a colloquium document just before Christmas to give me 'an idea' what it would entail, although she emphasised that every colloquium document was different and so mine wouldn't be exactly the same as this one.
It turns out to be quite a chunky document. I knew I had to write a couple of chapters and also submit a chunk of my original creative writing, but I guess I hadn't really considered how much writing - as in wordage - that would be. So, I scanned and checked the document word count… Now, that was a bad idea, because it was just shy of 20 000 words.
20 000 words, in four months.
I can do that, right?
Sure I can - I've written about three thousand words already!.. Shit!
They tell you your PhD will be about 80-100 000 words, and that sounds like a lot, but you think, oh well, I have 3-4 years to write those words in. Then during induction they tell you to get those 80-100 000 polished words, you're probably write more like 320 000 words… Hmmm, okay, so to write my Masters I probably wrote 130 000 without even realising it...
When you're at the initial reading and researching stage, that still feels a way off in the distance future though. And then suddenly, your colloquium is four months away and you wake up one day and realise you have to 20 000 coherent academic words on paper in just four months times (which means you'll probably have to write 62 000 to get there).
Except, I can't afford to panic now. I just need to get on with it.
That is my life, today.