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Giving Up...

Do you have days when it all seems too hard? Too much to handle. Days when you just don't feel strong enough to keep going?

Today is one of those days for me.

I have already cried twice today.

I really wasn't sure that coming into the office was a good idea. If anyone speaks to me I may just flying into a thousand shreds.

The stressors are building up and I'm not sure I have the resources to deal with them.

There's the colloquium, of course, I still haven't done any more work on that chapter because I feel a bit overwhelmed by the editing that needs doing. My supervisor seems to have confidence that I can knock it over in a day or two, but I just don't know where to begin.

The sale of the house is deeply affecting me. I know it shouldn't really, these things happen, but I'm getting old and I just want to feel settled and I'm afraid this is how my life will be - forever at the mercy of someone else's needs that I have not influence on.

Last night the president and the events manager of the club I'm secretary for at Uni quit. They have their reasons and I'm okay with that, however, there was no warning this was going to happen. Out of the blue there was an email saying one had quit, followed shortly after by another email saying the other quit a week ago but was asked to wait with announcing it.  As Secretary, I feel as if I should have been given a heads up. To be honest, I feel abandoned. This on top of the other stressors, is too much.

I was to give up on everything. I want to just go home, go to bed and give up.

Only I can't.

It is just not in me to do that. So, I have a cry, and then I suck it up and plod on.

But I feel sad to my core, and the tears are never far away today.

Life often doesn't turn out the way I imagined it would.


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