Skip to main content

Giving Up...

Do you have days when it all seems too hard? Too much to handle. Days when you just don't feel strong enough to keep going?

Today is one of those days for me.

I have already cried twice today.

I really wasn't sure that coming into the office was a good idea. If anyone speaks to me I may just flying into a thousand shreds.

The stressors are building up and I'm not sure I have the resources to deal with them.

There's the colloquium, of course, I still haven't done any more work on that chapter because I feel a bit overwhelmed by the editing that needs doing. My supervisor seems to have confidence that I can knock it over in a day or two, but I just don't know where to begin.

The sale of the house is deeply affecting me. I know it shouldn't really, these things happen, but I'm getting old and I just want to feel settled and I'm afraid this is how my life will be - forever at the mercy of someone else's needs that I have not influence on.

Last night the president and the events manager of the club I'm secretary for at Uni quit. They have their reasons and I'm okay with that, however, there was no warning this was going to happen. Out of the blue there was an email saying one had quit, followed shortly after by another email saying the other quit a week ago but was asked to wait with announcing it.  As Secretary, I feel as if I should have been given a heads up. To be honest, I feel abandoned. This on top of the other stressors, is too much.

I was to give up on everything. I want to just go home, go to bed and give up.

Only I can't.

It is just not in me to do that. So, I have a cry, and then I suck it up and plod on.

But I feel sad to my core, and the tears are never far away today.

Life often doesn't turn out the way I imagined it would.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...


At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Do you have low self-esteem?

I don't.

I used to think I did, but having met several people who really do have low self-esteem, I've now come to realise I actually have low confidence (and note I don't say low self-confidence, but more on that later), and that is a different breed of animal all together.

I was having a chat with a friend the other day about people who constantly put themselves down. If you are a participant in social media you might be aware of this kind of person. Everyone is smarter than them, prettier than them, more motivated, better organised, or has greater talent than them. It goes further, some of these people are not at all opposed to running themselves down to others with comments like, 'I'm so fat' (and not in a proud, fat acceptance way, but in a negative, self-loathing kind of way), or 'I'm stupid' or 'I'm ugly'.

Some people are just fishing for compliments, of course, but the ones who persist; the ones who simply cannot take a complimen…