Looking forward to getting past this next month...

Back in the office today to do some revisions and more work on the colloquium document. I know doing this is not a waste of my time; it will provide me with a solid foundation and plan for the next eighteen months, but I have to say, it is tedious.

I'm starting to long for a solid chunk of creative writing time, or even researching time.

Nerves are playing a big part in my dread of this next month and a bit. In exactly 32 days I'll be coming in to Uni to present and defend my thesis proposal. The past twelve months have been working toward this point. I have to do a ten minute talk up front and that really makes me nervous. I can quite easily stand in front of a class and talk, but this is quite different, these people know more about what I'm doing (though not specifically about my topic) than I do, and it's my job to make them interested in what I want to research, but also to them to see the benefit in my research. That is scary!

My supervisor says I'm too humble. I need to toot my own horn more. That is hard, I have spent an entire lifetime training myself to do this less. When I was a little a girl, I used to make grandiose statements about what I could do and how important I was. Since that time, I've been told over and over again to pay my dues and be humble. It's really hard to say, 'I'm am an expert in this field!' even though there is no one else who researches what I research (part of my job here is to find other people who research what I research and if they're out there, then they must be hiding very well!).

Only twenty-one days until this document has to be polished, that's only twelve office days. So, I guess I'd better get off here and do some work...

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