Skip to main content


I've been thinking about fear a lot these past few days.

Since I had a dream, many years ago, in which I died a violent death, I have not feared death itself. I realise to a lot of people that may sound unrealistic or even arrogant, but it is true.

Some people feel the fear of dying is the ultimate fear, it is inevitable for all of us, and none of us know when we will die, not people on death row, and not even people with terminal illness. All we know for sure is that it will happen one day.

This last week a friend was told it will happen sooner than anyone would want and she was given a choice; fight death head on now and increase the risk of dying before Easter, or accept that you will die maybe before next Christmas or the one after. The talk of living was very much played down to almost nothing, by the sounds of it. And so I've been thinking about fear a lot.

I'm very afraid for my friend. There is no two ways about it. I know I would be less afraid if it was me, but then I would be afraid for my children and for my husband who might have to carry on without me. And it's not that I think they can't live without me, I know they can, but I know it would hurt them deeply. Hurting them scares me.

And then I ask myself, in light of all this, why do insignificant things scare me? Why am I scare of submitting my stories and being rejected? In the scheme of things, that is nothing. It hurts no one in the way losing a loved one would hurt. And why am I afraid of writing poetry. Is poetry painful - and if my poetry was painful - would that be such a terrible thing?

Why am I afraid of walking? Just going out for a walk? Walking is harmless, I don't have to walk a marathon or speed walk, I could just take a stroll outside. Out there were I'm scared to be alone.

A life lived in fear is not a life.

My friend has decided to fight death head on. I wondered what i would do, and I came to the conclusion I would do the same thing. So, if I would fight death head on, then I should fight all my fears head on. Just do it.


Popular posts from this blog

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...

At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Do you have low self-esteem?

I don't.

I used to think I did, but having met several people who really do have low self-esteem, I've now come to realise I actually have low confidence (and note I don't say low self-confidence, but more on that later), and that is a different breed of animal all together.

I was having a chat with a friend the other day about people who constantly put themselves down. If you are a participant in social media you might be aware of this kind of person. Everyone is smarter than them, prettier than them, more motivated, better organised, or has greater talent than them. It goes further, some of these people are not at all opposed to running themselves down to others with comments like, 'I'm so fat' (and not in a proud, fat acceptance way, but in a negative, self-loathing kind of way), or 'I'm stupid' or 'I'm ugly'.

Some people are just fishing for compliments, of course, but the ones who persist; the ones who simply cannot take a complimen…