At the bottom of the Garden

Today is a day for breaking through.

I had a weightless goal for the end of February, but didn't make that goal at the time. Almost three weeks into March I finally crossed the threshold I've been working towards crossing since the beginning of the year. It felt great, I have to say! It was a long time coming and I was frustrated at several points of the journey, but I kept going, determined to get there, and finally I did! I still have a ways to go for my ultimate goal but to have crossed this threshold is very affirming and inspires me to keep going!

I have also started writing Chapter One of my thesis (again, since my previous chapter one which became a paper which is now published here, is now the introduction to my thesis). I was feeling very daunted by the new direction of my thesis, the words didn't feel like they were mine - as I wrote in my last blog post -, but I kept reading and researching and it is all starting to come together now. I have to have the first th…

I'm feeling really fed up with my life at the moment.

I feel that my thesis is not my own. I know a thesis is really always a compromise because a candidate rarely has a 'vision' which is actionable. We're apprentices under the guidance of those who have gone before us and who are, hopefully, helping us avoid the worst pitfalls of ignorance. That said, I feel like the words describing my thesis at this point are not my words. They don't come from my mouth or my cognition and are foreign to me. They aren't the wrong words because when I hear them come out of my supervisors mouths, they make complete sense in a much more concise way than my own clumsy words ever would. but I don't own those words yet.

I had a meeting with my associate supervisor yesterday, which was great! She is lovely and in a lot of ways I think we think along similar lines. On reflection, though, I can see we took this next chapter of my thesis in a different direction than my principal …

Office politics shit me!

I know I'm not alone in this sentiment, but honestly, I find it difficult to comprehend the temperament of people who participate in office politics.

Yesterday, I had an interaction in my office which was both hurtful and revealing.

I made a call in relation to completing some forms for a fieldwork application. I knew the person I was talking to intimately, so I concede that part of our conversation was regarding her health and the health of her partner. Nevertheless, the purpose and majority of our conversation was about this meeting. I am well within my rights to make this call in the office.

At one point in my conversation, I heard someone behind me say in a loud voice, 'Excuse me, could you speak a bit slower?' I turned to see who it was, because the question was quite loud, the person was looking at me, but I couldn't understand the request, why should I talk slower? It dawned on me, that what the woman probably meant was for me to speak m…

Miserable is pretty much the only way to describe how I feel right now.

If I could beam out of here right now, I would.

You see, I just got an email from my supervisor, which to me, clearly shows her frustration with trying to get me to understand something that comes second nature to her now. There was a time when someone had to explain this stuff to her, but I sense that was a long, long time ago (despite her being about my age), and I sense she got it a lot faster than I'm getting it.

So, as off about ten minutes ago, she's handed me over to the associate supervisor, to see if she can communicate with me in a way that will help me understand what really shouldn't be so hard to grasp. The frustration was palpable.

So, here I sit with my disappointment in myself and my treacherous tears of frustration. Doubts I have never had about my ability to complete this degree are suddenly crowding in like an overloaded lifted and I can't breathe. I can't write, I can't …

Well, this week has been much more painful than I thought it would be.

I have four new holes in my body.

Three of them are for bling in my ears - I finally got my second lobe piercings and then went for another helix (cartilage) piercing in my right ear. I've been meaning to get these for a while - the second lobe piercings for about two decades, and I finally found a place where I had a rapport with the staff and went for it. Yes, it hurt, and the helix really hurt, but the pain was just a few seconds long and I'm so happy with the result.


The fourth hole was something entirely different. You see the car has been underivable this week due to someone who will remain nameless attempting to drive off with the handbrake on, and therein gauging the brake pads so badly the entire brakes had to be replaced... Mum has been helping us out with school drop offs and pick ups. On Tuesday she had a dental appointment directly after the school drop off and I had an appointment later in the…

When I did my first Masters I was, at first, pregnant and then within six months I had a new born, and then I was pregnant and then I had another baby. It was bloody hard work and I had no one to talk to about it, really. I was on an email list thingy (yes, this was back in the dark ages when email lists ruled), but most of the talk was about how to negotiate breastfeeding in public, co-sleeping under the disapproving gaze of one's mother and mother-in-law, and which baby sling was the best... No other mothers on the list were doing a masters.

When I did my second masters, I had three children aged 9, 7, and 3, and was pregnant for the first two months and then had a newborn as well.

I did that degree between the hour of 1am and 4am. It was hard yakka. I had plenty of people to whinge to, and lots of people gave me kudos for the 'incredible feat' I had undertaken. It was great to have that support and so it felt a lot easier than my first masters even though I was busier, …

Just a really short post to update on how the Grumpy Old Man and I are fairing with the diet changes.

First of all, another month of grain free, sugar free living down. I think it was quite easy this last month as well.

We haven't lost as much weight in kilos this month as we did in January, but both of us have noticed significant changes to how our clothes fit us and how we look.

In total the GOM has now lost 11.1 kilos in total, which amounts to 3kg in February. I have lost 9.2 in total, which amounts to a 1.8kg loss in February. While not massive losses, I am happy with our progress. I had a personal goal for February and I missed it by 2.8kg, but I'm looking forward to reaching that goal in March.