Today I saw the friend who unceremoniously dumped me a few weeks ago. She was polite, actually spoke to me once, to offer me her chair so I could see a presentation better. It was hard though, I feel so hurt, her being nice makes it harder - I'd like to be able to be angry at her - instead I just feel like I must be a horrible person that she wants nothing to do with me. I still have no idea why she is upset with me. She was nice enough today, but know that's basically for public appearance. I guess I'd better just get used to it though, we run in similar circles here at the university, so I can't avoid running into her. This sucks. Luckily, I have a private office to cry in.
The guys at my local cafe have been so nice this week. I have yet to pay for a coffee there - I know this won't be a regular thing, but I really appreciate their kindnesses.
I need to pull myself together now and do some work. There is plenty to do, I want to get at least a couple of thousand works of this chapter down by the end of the month so that when I come back to it in February I'll be able to dive straight back in.
I've just got to keep reminding myself of all the good stuff in my life. My family, my friends, getting back 'out there' and relearning to be independent. Getting back into walking - it feels great to be moving again - my body is very much designed to move vigorously (even though I'll never be a jogger), so getting back into walking makes me happy. The weather is getting better (okay, not today, though it is better than this morning), and the days are getting longer, and that means I'm generally more energetic and happy. There is a lot to smile about, really. I've just got to remember that stuff.

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