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Four cubic metres of crap...


That's four cubic metres less stuff to move when we next have to move.

I'm going to keep culling throughout this year, not big skip culling, just consistent small bits here and there. As part of this move to lessening the amount of crap we move with us everywhere, I'm also going to stop buying stuff I don't need. In particular this means furniture, clothes, nik-naks (oh how I love all my little pretty nik-naks, though I rather ruthlessly parred right back to things I love). I'm going to tell people who want to gift me stuff (Mother's Day, Birthday, Christmas etc.) to get me consumables that I don't need to store - vouchers for the movies or for iTunes, or a facial or something like that, food, wine.

The GOM is due home any time now. Haven't spoken with him since the night before last. To be honest, I would not mind if he stayed away another couple of days - funny that, really, I'd normally be hanging out for him to get home.

The house is neat and clean, there is (mostly) a lack of arguing and bickering going on. I don't want that disturbed. I know I can influence what happens next by not starting any arguments. The thing is, I'm so hurt right now, the very sight of him, or the sound of his voice might tip me over the edge again. I need some space. The older boys told me last night that they'd known he was planning on going away on his own for at least a month - Erik reckons he knew back in August or September. I don't know this person who keeps secrets and makes plans behind my back and then encourages me to feel bad because I'm angry with him.

And then it always some back to, what is wrong with me that he feels he has to go behind my back or he feels he can't tell me what he wants.

Quite a few of you have written to me with your concerns. I'm taking it all in. I had an appointment booked to see a GP for a mental health plan yesterday. I cancelled it because of the skip arriving, but I rescheduled it for Friday. I know I need to get some help. I'm not sure how, or even if, I can afford counselling, but I'll try to make that happen, too, if only for the kids.


Jennie Bennett said…
There are for sure programs where counseling is affordable. I'm sorry you're going through so much crap. Arguing isn't going, but neither is swallowing your feelings. There has to be a way you can approach him without sounding like you want to start an argument. With my husband, I normally say something like, "Have you been okay? It seems like you're not around much lately, and I'm worried about you." That way the instant reaction isn't defense. Wishing you the best!!
Sif Dal said…
Hi Jennie, sorry I didn't respond earlier. I did manage to talk with him without starting an argument, which was great. Regarding counselling, my big issue is feeling safe. I have a psychologist I used to see, who knows me well, she works in the same clinic with my GP so it's all very familiar. Unfortunately, she can only provide a medical rebate (I think it's 33%), which brings each session to around $100. I might be able to space the sessions out and budget for them. I'm going to see what I can arrange after guide dog training.

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