Last night the GOM and I had a conversation. When he got home, I couldn't really speak to him. I was worried I might just start another argument, so I didn't say much. We watched Outbreak on tv in silence, and the whole time I was trying to work out in my head how to proceed.
When the movie ended I asked if we could talk in the bedroom (because we can close the door and know no one is standing around the corner. I told him I wanted the arguing to end, I wanted us to get past this last horrible week. I said before I could do that, I needed to feel that he understood why I'd been so upset. I asked him to imagine two scenarios. The first one was to imagine the last Orson Wells movie had finally come out (he's been waiting a few years now), but that it was only screening in Sydney. I asked him to imagine I told him I'd arranged for us to go to Sydney to see it. I asked him to imagine how for months he had really looked forward to that trip, and then a week out I tell him I actually just want to go on my own.
The second scenario was more real, as in it could have happened. I asked him to think back to November when we were called into the high school by Erik's head of house to discuss Erik's behaviour, and it was recommended he not do any VCE or pre-VCE subjects, and we agreed to that. Then the principal - who had not been privy to that conversation - asked us to reconsider that decision, and the Grumpy Old Man was unmovable. Then the head of house had a change of heart after talking to Erik who was - understandably - upset, but the GOM wouldn't budge. I told him I had been swayed by the principal, the head of house, and Erik's arguments, but that I had supported the GOM's position because he felt so strongly about it. I asked him to imagine that I had actually contacted the school myself, without telling him, and given Erik permission to change his classes to do some VCE and pre-VCE classes. I asked him to imagine he only found out about this action in March when Erik had been doing the classes for a month and it was too late change them back.
This is how I have felt. Duped and betrayed. We talked about the stress we've both been under, and then we talked about his trip away and what he'd seen and done. So, now we're not arguing anymore. I still feel stressed and depressed, but I don't have the same level of anxiety I've had all week. I think we're back to the place of good will we usually work from.
This afternoon I'm off to see my GP, I need a prescription for anti-depressants/anti-anxiety, but that has to be worked in with the anti-convulsant I'm on which is also a mood stabiliser. I need a new prescription for the anti-convulsant. I need a prescription for antibiotics for the abscesses I keep getting because my teeth continue to disintegrate, and finally, I need to consult with her about the migraines I've been experiencing at an increasing rate in recent months (which could be due to mostly not being on the low carb, high fat diet - because they seemed to go away when I cut out sugars last year.
I'm hoping to come out of the GPs with some sort of battle plan to help me cope a lot better with life.
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