Skip to main content

On having no edges...

I had a journal send me a friend request on Facebook the other day. I always find it odd when journals send friend requests. Why do they do that? Are they really interested in what my kids said over the weekend, or that I'm having an anxiety attack over the state of the car, or that my spirit animal is a cow?

I'd understand sending an invite to like their page. But friend requests are so reciprocal, I look into their 'life' and they look into my life. Strange for a journal, don't you think?

Anyway, I accepted the friend request (more because it was funny to me than anything else), and then I felt 'watched' (though, I'm sure they probably unfollowed me immediately, it was more a what if they actually read my page? sort of thing). What if they were actually checking me out to see if my writing was good enough, hip enough (does anyone use 'hip' anymore?), edgy enough?

A lot of journals these days publish edgy, gritty, raw fiction. Fiction about people hurting, or having profound moments of insight, or hurting... I don't write like that at all. My favourite approach to writing is much more pedestrian, and while I may occasionally write about people who might be hurting, they aren't usually tearing themselves apart with the pain of living. When I do write more gritty pieces I tend towards having a strong sense of irony about it, perhaps even impostor syndrome to some degree. Generally, attempting to write gritty or raw pieces leaves me feeling dirty and depressed. I much prefer to approach pain in a philosophical, slightly detached sort of way - the way fairytales do it.

I soon found myself making a status update about my lack of edge. You know, just putting it out there in case the faceless journal-person-friend decided to check me out. I wanted to say, 'Nothing to see here. No edges, just middle. Pretty mediocre, really. Please lower your expectations, so you don't knock your head on the low hanging branch there called disappointment.'

This lack of edge goes hand in hand with my lack of ambition and aversion to competition. I just want to write. I don't really have a need to be published. I see other people get excited about the books they've published, or are about to get published and I think, well that's nice, good for you. I have no sense of urgency to join them. I just like to write. I love to tell stories. I like to entertain. I'm not driven to push the boundaries, or get people questioning their existence, or reliving their trauma. I just like to write and tell stories. Like the sun on a foggy day, I'm all middle, and I'm good with that.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...


At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Alone... And Stuff...

Do you ever just need to be alone?



As the boys are growing up, we have more times when the house is quiet. The youngest will be asleep. One will be reading, one will be playing on his computer with headphones on, one will be painting and there is stillness.

Sometimes, even that is not enough.

Sometimes I crave being alone, with no possibility of someone suddenly realising they have to tell me something important or ask me a question or even just crash about in the kitchen.

Sometimes I crave S P A C E, lots and lots of space, being able to walk from room to room without encountering another soul.

This is how I felt when I woke up this morning, so instead of getting ready for work, I decided to stay home. Get up, but not go anywhere, no hear the sound of my own voice, or anyone else's.

I think this might just be part of getting older. After a lifetime of chasing after other people and trying not to be alone, my mind and body is full of thoughts, experiences, feelings, and busy-ness …