Sunday, May 21, 2017

The clouds parted...

Jesus! (say that in Mexican)

Forgive me folks, for it has been two weeks since my last blog post.

It isn't that I haven't had any ideas for posts, but rather that I haven't had any time. So, once again, this is liable to be a 'catch up' post - so many of mine are lately.

The first thing I want to talk about though is that, as I was saying to Dave just now, I feel like the clouds have parted. All the anxiety and depression and illness I felt last year is all but gone. While I have not found peace with the whole Erik situation yet (possibly, I never will), most days I don't think about it. If I do think about it, I'm not consumed by anger, or despair. The stress of the PhD is gone and I have no regrets about leaving it behind. This is probably because, a) I have a book launch coming up and, b) I got full time, rewarding, work almost immediately after leaving. I had been told it would be very difficult for me to get work without the prestige of a PhD in my corner, but not only did I get full time work (a minor miracle in this economic environment), but it is in a position and field where I can positively affect the lives of other people - something I felt Deakin was not supporting me in doing at all.

And... The financial worries are gone. Living hand to mouth is gone. We were struggling so much and it was having such a negative impact on our well-being that I couldn't even express the hopelessness I  was feeling. We were living below the breadline and that was with Dave's mum supporting us. We were living beyond our means because we had no other choice. Not having to wake up each morning wondering if we'd have enough money for dinner is an amazing feeling - and I do not exaggerate.

So, there you go. I'm keen to get back to my GP and see about weaning off the anxiety medication.

In other news...

Lukas' school had a concert last week and he played in several acts because bassists are a rare commodity. One act, of course, was his band, and they were great! They were definitely up there is the top five acts (there were more than five acts). I'm so proud of him. He has found something he loves and he'll going for it with all that he has. He's achieving great things in his Vet Music and in his other music classes at all. He'll probably drop math mid-year because he's not doing so well in that, and he does need to put more effort into English, but he's doing well in philosophy and media, and he is kicking it in music. I couldn't be prouder.

What else? Oh yeah, did I tell you how sexy my deodorant is making me feel?

I picked up this deo a couple of weeks ago, because it smelled nice, I couldn't read the label, but Dave could and pointed out that it was 'sexy' deodorant. Sexy deodorant, just let that sink in. I mean I know Lynx already cornered the market on sexy deodorants, but that's been a joke for a long time now. 

I can't say the deodorant makes me feel particularly sexy. I don't put it on and ravage Dave at the kitchen counter while he makes the kids' school lunches (although, the man in the house making school lunches apparently does it for a lot of women according to anecdotal evidence). Sexy deodorant, please!

My colleague and I sent off our paper for peer review a couple of weeks ago. Not expecting to hear anything before the end of July but it feels good to have achieved writing it and sending it off nonetheless. Feels like I'm still keeping my hand in. I have a couple of other papers rolling around in my grey matter - I have more grey matter than your average human, so that's the most likely space for those papers to be rolling around. I'm hoping working doesn't sap too much energy from writing these up.

I have acclimatised to the routine of getting up at 5am to get ready for work. I give myself two hours because it takes me a while to wake up and I loathed being rushed. I've been thinking of possibly getting up at 4.30 to get a bit of writing in, whether it be this blog, something creative (I still need to finish the book I was writing for the PhD), or one of those papers. I'm falling asleep at 9.30pm anyway, so what's another 30 minutes? I'm more lucid in the morning than in the afternoon or evening anyway (despite it taking a while to wake up - the mornings are definitely quieter). And if I've managed to acclimatise to 5am wake ups then I'd acclimatise to 4.30am wake ups, too.

I think I'll wrap this up with a decluttering update (because this post is getting too long, and that is the antithesis of minimalism). We've now sold most of the big items of furniture we want to get rid off. We only have Bryn's trundle bed and a long black Ikea desk to go furniture wise - which reminds me, I need to photograph those things and post them for sale tonight. A lot of small stuff has been donated to op shops and our primary school (they were so grateful for all the good quality books we sent them). There are still some more op shop donations to be made. However, I've set a deadline for donating stuff. On the Queen's birthday long weekend I'm hiring a Mother Loving 'Uge skip and chucking whatever has not been donated or sold. That's three weeks away. I'm like a kid waiting for Christmas about this. Minimising our possessions (and not even drastically) is actually lifting the weight off my psyche. Having space to breathe is just unbelievably rewarding. The spaces freed up by the selling of furniture don't even look bare, they just looks lighter.

So, there's your update. Thanks for reading!

No comments:

Good Job!