I was doing so well for so long.
This year has been a problem though and I don't know why. At the beginning of the year I was pretty stressed, what with the confrontation of withdrawing from the PhD, the major argument with mum, and the pre-employment course which meant I was going to seriously be looking for a job again.
Of course, I then got the job, which was a massive surprise, but a good one. The relief of the extra income has been enormous and has taken a huge stressor out of my life. At the same time, settling into the job, finding my place, and feeling confident has been stressful over the past three months, but I feel I'm getting a handle on it now.
Okay, so maybe I do know why I've been struggling with my sugar addiction. Still, it's weird, because I'm the happiest I've been in years, many, many years.
And yet, I've put on 15kg (or more) this year so far. Fifteen kilos in just seven months. It is really beginning to show now, too. The upper belly fat I so loathe and was sooo happy to see the back of a couple of years ago, is back. This is a big marker for me. It is my line in the sand. Here I am though, struggling.
This morning I got up and made myself some bacon and eggs. I did have to rush around a fair bit despite having laid out my clothes and made my lunch for today. I don't really like to eat in the morning but am committed to do so if it will ward off the cravings. It will take two or three weeks to properly kick the sugar, and in there somewhere I could quicken the pace of that detox by doing a fat fast, but I don't want to make it too difficult for me or I'll just fall back on the sugar.
I know I'll feel a lot better once I'm back 'on the wagon'. In fact, I'm hoping it will help with my knees which have been very sore for a few weeks now. The soreness seemed to happen over night, I thought it might be from crouching down, something I do fairly regularly, but it has persisted. This has me thinking it might be weight related. I kind of hope so because then the pain will be eliminated by cutting out the sugar. Also, my back is stiff and sore again from the weight dragging on it from my ever increasing belly. I certainly think losing a bit of weight will help with that.
So, wish me luck. I need to break this sugar addiction. Maybe by writing this post I'll feel more focused because I'll have 'put it out there', acknowledged the situation, and set out a plan to deal with it.
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