Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Teenagers and the failing parent...

There seems to be a trend going on in this household, the trend of, 'You did this, so you're a terrible mother!'

One kid remembers me throwing glasses at him. I'm serious, he thinks I threw glass glasses at him. Let me make sure I'm completely clear (no pun intended), I have never, nor would I ever, throw glass at my children.

Still he is adamant I did, and I'll be honest, there is no defense against a child's memory. What do you say? I didn't? I tried that and was told that well, he remembers me doing it. The next boy says he remembers me shirt fronting him, and that he hit my arm and I've never touched him since. Dave heard this one and immediately recognised a story from his own childhood. The next boy had me locking him in a laundry - I did once put him in a laundry after he dropped a glass on the kitchen floor, smashing it into pieces, I put him in the laundry so he wouldn't walk on the glass while I cleared it up. There wasn't a lock on the door - when is there ever a lock on a laundry door? The fourth child remembers me smashing his iPad and throwing it in the bin. I did throw his iPad in the bin, and it was smashed, but he did that himself months earlier.

Dear Lord.

Ari isn't a teenager yet, but the other three are, and I cannot do anything right.

Today, when I conveyed my annoyance - i.e. I told him I did not appreciate being manipulated by him and his girlfriend to have her stay over the other night when I had specifically said she wasn't staying over because he had a VET exam the next day, Luey expressed his annoyance i.e. he changed his story about six times in the span of a sentence.* It seems when he asks me and I say he can he have a friend stay, he always gets into trouble afterwards. I pointed out that every single time he's asked me if a friend could crash the night I've said yes - and he hasn't gotten into trouble afterwards. In the first eight days we lived here he had four friends stay over, this last stunt made five.

At the moment I'm getting the silent treatment - which will last until he needs money for something.

Anyway, he said he asks me stuff and I give him a vague yes because I'm not taking any notice and then he gets into trouble afterwards. Then he says I'm never around. There you go. I started working a ago, before then I studied about 25 hours a week out of the house for three years. So let's see, for the first 13 years of his life I was around 24/7, then part time during work hours, until I started working full time last year. Dave has also been around full time since almost 10 years ago. Our kids have had no shortage of parental contact. Never around, uhuh?

I'm not sure it is possible to a good parent - well, certainly my kids don't think so. Don't let anyone fool you. Toddlers are not the hardest age. Toddlers think you're the world. Teenagers think you're the end of their world as they'd like it to be.

I was horrified when Erik moved out. I felt ashamed. Since then, I've heard multiple stories of friends of my kids, or kids they know off who just take off to live at a mates house or to couch surf. I've heard of teenagers having the locks to their family home changed after they repeatedly took off. I've heard of teens coming home after skipping town for a weekend with their mates, and being shown the door. This seems to be happening all the time. Can so many parents be so crap, or are kids spoiled? Is this new, or is it something people just don't talk about?

Is it a lost cause to try and be a good parent in your child's eye?

*I may be exaggerating slightly here.

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Teenagers and the failing parent...