Saturday, April 20, 2019

My biggest vice...

My biggest vice is my shopholism. Seriously, my name is Sif and I am a shopoholic.

I try not to be. I've locked myself out of shopping sites such as eBay and Aliexpress, but I end up just letting myself in again because I NEED something. The thing is, there is always something else that I need.

Recently, it has been clothes and shoes. When we first moved into this house it was furniture items. Just recently I bought a fold out bed for Erik because he was staying here a lot but you know, he never uses it, he just dosses down on the couch (which annoys me, by the way).

Internet shopping has really fuelled my shopping fervour. It is just so easy, it's like drive through and not having to leave the car - I don't even have to leave the house. I'm also addicted to getting packages. It's so exciting to have deliveries. Sometimes I can't even remember what I'm waiting on in the mail - then it's like a little surprise.

Being a minimalist just plays into it. I like to declutter. I LOVE getting a skip and filling it up, or sending Dave to op-shops with a boot full of donations. Of course, this then leaves space and an imagined need to buy more stuff. It's s vicious cycle.

I'm very nervous about having our household income reduced so severely now. Even though I'm losing about 2/5 of my annual income, it seems I'm working too many hours a week for Dave to qualify for getting his carer payment back. I need to be working 25 hours or less a week, and while I'm working 22.8, they also count travel time because it is time away when he is not caring for me. So, basically, his income is the $130 or so a fortnight he gets in carers allowance. The rest is the money I earn plus my pension and family allowance. We're not on the poverty line, we can pay our rent, our utilities, food, and petrol, but after that there is basically $50 a week left. So, we can't afford any kind of emergencies.

Obviously, I'll be looking for work to fill in the two days I've just lost. Obviously, I'm very grateful for having a job at all - so many people in our organisation have been given redundancies or have not had their contracts renewed. It is no reflection on their abilities, it is just that with the NDIS arriving the entire disabilities services sector is undergoing enormous change. It is affecting all organisations across the board and many jobs are being cut.

Less money means less money to spend on stuff we really don't need, which is on the face of it a good thing. The thing is this addiction to shopping is soothing some issue I'm avoiding and now I'll have to deal with it, I don't know what it is. I'm scared. I'm also scared because my other self-soothing activity is eating chips and lollies - something else I won't be able to afford.

Expect more blogging, writing is something that helps me a lot. You'll probably get to see a lot of the darker side of my world interpretation. My apologies in advance if you find it frightening.

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Good Job!